Hello there. Pull up a bucket. Don’t fret, that bucket’s for sitting on—I’m not going to put you to work just yet. I’d love to offer you one of those cushioned bucket seat/lids, but I’m afraid those are considered rather gauche in my circle. My name is Nick Offerman, and you have arrived at my figurative barnyard, where I stubbornly labor, donkey-like, at the tasks life has set before me. I do my best to pull whatever plow the day’s field might require, which could mean crafting a canoe paddle, smoking a pork shoulder, or attempting to write some content that might be helpful in some way. Within these rewarding chores, I also tend to ponder many of life’s mysteries, from the complex (is there a god?) to the banal (linseed oil or tung? aioli or straight mayo? stone ground or golden brown mustard? shit, Dijon?) even as I am working away on the regenerative farm in my brain. Hence: Donkey Thoughts.
Feb 10, 2022·edited Feb 11, 2022Liked by Nick Offerman
What do you get when you use a 50% off coupon at the proctologist.......a half ass job. And if I remember right, you should never half ass two things, but whole ass one thing. That brings me to my next comment - I thoroughly enjoy reading what you have written. I would be remiss if I said that was the end of what I have to say.....but it's not.
One (just starting off here) - I'm a huge Parks and Rec fan. When I'm having a bad day, or a good day, or an in between day, I watch it and I'm back to feeling like myself. I simply wish Pawnee was a real place. I actually created a quiz based on all 7 seasons that I made my coworkers take after making them all watch this show because I believe in it that much. They didn't do so great on the quiz, but that's a story for another time.
Two (whoa there slow down!) - My aunt lives in Minooka. She is friends with your sister, the amazing and talented librarian (because we don't hate librarians. I work for an education company speaking with librarians all day long). They are the innovators and glue that hold the education system in place. I greatly enjoy Minooka and Channahon and have traveled there many times in my life from Northern Illinois.
Three (I really made it this far?) - This is a debate my son insists he has "bested" me on. Now I pose this question to you - if Ant-Man traveled inside of Thanos's anus and expanded, would he be crushed to death? I'll save my answer for later.
Four (This might be my last) - My friend and I saw your laughing matters tour in Indianapolis in 2019. We both found the location to be quit fitting seeing as how it's the home state of the great city of Pawnee.
I'm done for now, but I leave you with this - live long and prosper in your righteous truth.
Good afternoon sir. Big greetings to you from Russia from Cold Siberia, the small village of Karluk, which is located 100 km from Lake Baikal.
I want to thank you for everything you do. Thanks to you and your hero Ron Swanson, I finally decided on an old dream - I took up woodworking. So far I'm just getting the initial experience, but I like it. I started setting up a small workshop in my garage.
My 5-year-old son Fedor, when we look at parks and recreation areas, calls you "Mustache of Power". In some way he is right.
I have secretly cast Nick Offerman in my mind as Paul Sellers in a tv series (which only exists in my mind) that would be similar to the PBS series I saw in the 80s of All Creatures Great and Small (and yes, I know they have relaunched that). Except the focus would be woodworking. Paul Sellers lived in the UK, then Texas, then back to the UK. It would be awesome. Just wonder how good of an English accent Nick can pull off.
I am not sure where we are supposed to ask questions of you, Nick, however I thought I would throw one in here in the event that as you kick off your journey on this new platform, perhaps these comments will be a suitable spot for one.
If you ever found yourself the distinct misfortune of becoming the Grand Dictator of Humankind, with the further tragedy of being unable to vacate the role, what would be your first edict, mandatory for every human being to follow?
Just found this place(because in my ignorance and the rock I live under, I didn't realize that Nick is a phenomenal woodworker.)
Anyway, I did some investigating for you and I have some answers...
Yes, there is a God.
Boiled Linseed oil if it's a side table that someone might set down a glass and be so uncivilized to not use a coaster, otherwise tung. Or just be a rebel and mix 'em 50/50.
Always mayo. Unless the dish is Mediterranean inspired, then Aioli.
Stone Ground is superior to all other forms of mustard. Especially on brats. And if you break out Dijon, you might as well get some cushioned bucket lids while you're at it.
Am serious enough that am relieved to read that you speak to college students whom our govt. has basically abandoned. Your humor will keep them engaged in our short attention span worlds. Please keep it up …. they need your non-corporate perspective if we are to save their futures.
Was in attendance at Summer of 69 (No Apostrophe) a few years back at the Green Center at Sonoma State here in NoCal and had a great time, including the meet & greet afterward. Have pics to prove it. Any tours upcoming? Or stop by our house in Santa Rosa for a drink and sandwich? Love you both.
Well I thought I should join your newsletter and check out your websites considering we’re both born in Joliet and lived in Minooka….. and I like bourbon and woodworking. Come on up to Alaska where I reside now, and have some fun sometime!!!!
The Roaring Forties are what we call the seasonal gales which are sucked across the Southern Ocean, (around latitudes in their 40's south,) and scream down from the great divide which peaks at 12,346 feet at a place called Aoraki, the cloud piercer. Aye, I am far away in a high alpine basin named after a Scottish sheep lifter, (rustler,) Jock Mackenzie who, with his dog Friday, lifted sheep from English squatters a century and a half ago. My lake is impossibly blue, glacial and cold. Look for Tekapo, Aotearoa, New Sea Land, and you will find her. (Find me, my casts in pod. and vid. on substack where I write Fictions.)
I'm hosting my book club in May and we will be discussing Where the Deer and Antelope Play. Do you have suggestions for discussions of this marvelous book
What do you get when you use a 50% off coupon at the proctologist.......a half ass job. And if I remember right, you should never half ass two things, but whole ass one thing. That brings me to my next comment - I thoroughly enjoy reading what you have written. I would be remiss if I said that was the end of what I have to say.....but it's not.
One (just starting off here) - I'm a huge Parks and Rec fan. When I'm having a bad day, or a good day, or an in between day, I watch it and I'm back to feeling like myself. I simply wish Pawnee was a real place. I actually created a quiz based on all 7 seasons that I made my coworkers take after making them all watch this show because I believe in it that much. They didn't do so great on the quiz, but that's a story for another time.
Two (whoa there slow down!) - My aunt lives in Minooka. She is friends with your sister, the amazing and talented librarian (because we don't hate librarians. I work for an education company speaking with librarians all day long). They are the innovators and glue that hold the education system in place. I greatly enjoy Minooka and Channahon and have traveled there many times in my life from Northern Illinois.
Three (I really made it this far?) - This is a debate my son insists he has "bested" me on. Now I pose this question to you - if Ant-Man traveled inside of Thanos's anus and expanded, would he be crushed to death? I'll save my answer for later.
Four (This might be my last) - My friend and I saw your laughing matters tour in Indianapolis in 2019. We both found the location to be quit fitting seeing as how it's the home state of the great city of Pawnee.
I'm done for now, but I leave you with this - live long and prosper in your righteous truth.
You write really well! You write like you talk--which makes me think of red meat, red cedar, and eagles flowing over mountain streams.
Good afternoon sir. Big greetings to you from Russia from Cold Siberia, the small village of Karluk, which is located 100 km from Lake Baikal.
I want to thank you for everything you do. Thanks to you and your hero Ron Swanson, I finally decided on an old dream - I took up woodworking. So far I'm just getting the initial experience, but I like it. I started setting up a small workshop in my garage.
My 5-year-old son Fedor, when we look at parks and recreation areas, calls you "Mustache of Power". In some way he is right.
Health to you and your family from my family.
Sorry for my English.
Boris.
I have secretly cast Nick Offerman in my mind as Paul Sellers in a tv series (which only exists in my mind) that would be similar to the PBS series I saw in the 80s of All Creatures Great and Small (and yes, I know they have relaunched that). Except the focus would be woodworking. Paul Sellers lived in the UK, then Texas, then back to the UK. It would be awesome. Just wonder how good of an English accent Nick can pull off.
I am not sure where we are supposed to ask questions of you, Nick, however I thought I would throw one in here in the event that as you kick off your journey on this new platform, perhaps these comments will be a suitable spot for one.
If you ever found yourself the distinct misfortune of becoming the Grand Dictator of Humankind, with the further tragedy of being unable to vacate the role, what would be your first edict, mandatory for every human being to follow?
This is my cue to pick up 'Paddle Your Own Canoe' from the shelves now :)
Hello, from the great white North ( no that is not a political statement)
Just found this place(because in my ignorance and the rock I live under, I didn't realize that Nick is a phenomenal woodworker.)
Anyway, I did some investigating for you and I have some answers...
Yes, there is a God.
Boiled Linseed oil if it's a side table that someone might set down a glass and be so uncivilized to not use a coaster, otherwise tung. Or just be a rebel and mix 'em 50/50.
Always mayo. Unless the dish is Mediterranean inspired, then Aioli.
Stone Ground is superior to all other forms of mustard. Especially on brats. And if you break out Dijon, you might as well get some cushioned bucket lids while you're at it.
Good grief this place feels like home already.
I just watched the last of us, you really surprising me! I like you 👍🏻
Big fan bring back American body shop. I have one affordable automotive.
Outrageousness rules!!
Am serious enough that am relieved to read that you speak to college students whom our govt. has basically abandoned. Your humor will keep them engaged in our short attention span worlds. Please keep it up …. they need your non-corporate perspective if we are to save their futures.
Was in attendance at Summer of 69 (No Apostrophe) a few years back at the Green Center at Sonoma State here in NoCal and had a great time, including the meet & greet afterward. Have pics to prove it. Any tours upcoming? Or stop by our house in Santa Rosa for a drink and sandwich? Love you both.
Well I thought I should join your newsletter and check out your websites considering we’re both born in Joliet and lived in Minooka….. and I like bourbon and woodworking. Come on up to Alaska where I reside now, and have some fun sometime!!!!
Heya Nick and all,
The Roaring Forties are what we call the seasonal gales which are sucked across the Southern Ocean, (around latitudes in their 40's south,) and scream down from the great divide which peaks at 12,346 feet at a place called Aoraki, the cloud piercer. Aye, I am far away in a high alpine basin named after a Scottish sheep lifter, (rustler,) Jock Mackenzie who, with his dog Friday, lifted sheep from English squatters a century and a half ago. My lake is impossibly blue, glacial and cold. Look for Tekapo, Aotearoa, New Sea Land, and you will find her. (Find me, my casts in pod. and vid. on substack where I write Fictions.)
Aroha nui, (Big love.)
Iam.
I'm hosting my book club in May and we will be discussing Where the Deer and Antelope Play. Do you have suggestions for discussions of this marvelous book